Tag: TraumaBonding

B. Lorenzo Buckinchere

Jun 16, 2024

Do you often feel as though your life is one great calamity after another? From bankruptcy, to illness, to legal troubles, to the death of a loved one. Furthermore, it seems like bad things always happen to good people. Yet the wicked cheat death for the ten thousandth time. Do you ever wonder why that always seems to be the case? I have a theory as to why that is, and what you can do to fix it for once and for all.

Sado-masochism is a “relationship” (exchange) in which you somehow feel compelled to love the one you fear. Sado-masochistic relationships can occur romantically, familially, platonically, or employment wise. It is a form of toxic trauma bonding, and always involves the person in the submissive position being gaslit, physically abused, or otherwise humiliated, solely for the amusement of the sadist.

The question is, why would any self-respecting person assume the submissive position within a sado-masochistic exchange? or better yet, even enter such an exchange to begin with, if they are not naturally masochistic?

To begin with, there are only three kinds of people on earth; sadists, masochists and hedonists. Sadists gain amusement from causing pain and humiliation. Masochists gain pleasure from receiving pain. And hedonists gain pleasure from both giving and receiving pleasure. Of the three, who do you think is the healthiest personality type?

Sadists are always on the prowl, seeking who they may devour. For them, the thrill is in the hunt. They don’t particularly enjoy hurting masochists, because they won’t put up much of a fight. Plus they rather enjoy it. For a sadist, the single greatest sense of satisfaction comes from watching a pleasure seeker squirm, as he forces them into a position where they betray their very nature. This is especially true if the sadist is envious of them.

Who do you think the pleasure seeker in question is? But what self-respecting hedonist would end up in a sado-masochistic exchange with a sadist? And yet it happens much more often than you think. First, the sadist intentionally decides to target the hedonist with a friendly gesture that carefully masks a more sinister motive.

But then, it’s usually not long before the mask begins to slip, and you begin noticing red flags. Hedonists are more likely to be empathic than the other two personality types. They want just as much good for others as they want for themselves. And due to their empathic nature, they tend to want to see the good in others.

The sadist knows this about the hedonist, and will exploit it to their advantage to buy the extra time they need to inflict further pain on the hedonist, just to rub it in. As such, they will gaslight an unsuspecting hedonist into believing that they have changed, thus begging the hedonist’s forgiveness. If not themselves, they will send some of their henchmen to do so on their behalf.

This act of remorse is all just a ploy, and a mockery of the hedonist’s intelligence. Even so, the hedonist will likely give the sadist way more chances than they could ever possibly deserve. This is usually achieved through the social pressure of the sadist’s henchmen, or the naivety of a rookie hedonist. They “love” you when you are young and dumb. A seasoned veteran would never fall for the ruse.

The next thing you know, your whole life starts heading straight down the toilet. From illness, to bankruptcy, to legal battles, to the death of a loved one. Yet the wicked seem to cheat death ten thousand times, and you wonder why. Well why do you think?

I have a theory.

You see, forgiveness should only be reserved for those who are genuinely remorseful, and have taken the necessary steps to make reparations to you for damage caused. It is entirely up to you whether you want to differentiate between unintentional damage and intentionally misguided damage. But when you forgive someone who does not deserve forgiveness, their karmic debt backfires on you.

This is because you are unknowingly signaling to the universe that you are not good enough to be deserving basic human dignity. Not only that, but also that you are more deserving of the offensive act committed by the sadist, than the sadist himself is deserving retribution for said act.

So now what happens?

There is now a karmic debt transferral where you witness the sadist living the very hedonistic lifestyle that was meant for your enjoyment in the first place. All while your life is going to shit. Your life is not even your own at that point, and the sadist will be sure to mock you by rubbing it in on every occasion.

This karmic debt transferral is why many people often confuse hedonism for narcissism. They are confused by the sadist acting in a hedonistic manner, failing to realize that it is all just a ruse. Some hedonists may be narcissistic, but they are likely not narcissists. That dishonor is only reserved for the sadist.

Very few hedonists, in fact, I would even venture to say that NO hedonist derives pleasure from someone else’s pain. Of course, this is not to be confused with the feeling of satisfaction that you get when someone who has repeatedly done you wrong without remorse, finally receives their just desserts. That is a feeling of justice, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that their pain is what the hedonist is enjoying about the experience.

For example, if a sadist has murdered the son of a hedonist, and receives capital punishment. The hedonist will probably attend the execution, and will no doubt feel satisfied when his son’s murderer is put to death. But he more than likely will not enjoy it. The hedonist will mourn for a while. Then he will remember that life goes on, and get back to doing what he truly enjoys.

That tragedy may even remind him that life is too short and precious. And that he should savor the good times with good people, instead of getting caught up with a time waster as malignant as sado-masochism.

When you forgive the wrong person, or entertain the mistaken impression that they are your friend, their karmic debt backfires onto you. Perhaps it even doubles in intensity because you really ought to know better. But when you refuse to forgive them, that same karma has no choice but to attack its intended target. It is like an energetic tennis match, and that is all it takes to even the score. You just have to learn how to play the game.