The Buckinchere Transcendence

Tag: Toxic Relationships

  • Blog 109

    Blog 109

    Ready.

    Buckinchere’s Wager, Part II — The dichotomy of Love and Respect

    B. Lorenzo Buckinchere

    June 7, 2026

    A couple of weeks ago, I’d introduced the Buckinchere wager, where I challenged you all to choose between power and comfort.

    Now, I am issuing a challenge to all who are fortunate enough to come across this article to choose between love and respect.

    But what’s the difference?

    There are some people who say that they love you, yet they cause you so much abuse and disrespect, that it doesn’t seem likely that they actually love you. “How could they love someone whom they treat that way?” you’re probably wondering.

    But the irony of that question is that in their own selfish, shallow way, they actually do love you.

    They just don’t respect you!

    Now here’s the thing about respect. Most people only respect their fear of consequences. So if you don’t impose some stringent consequences on them whenever they mistreat you, they may love you, but will never respect you.

    Now, it is up to you to decide which is more important to you. Love or respect.

    For example, I was recently contacted by a toxic ex, and I told a friend about her. He said, “well maybe she likes you, bro.”

    I was offended and seriously taken aback. I looked at him like, “what makes you think I give a damn about being liked when I don’t even care about being loved?”

    But of course, everybody wants to be liked to some extent.

    I, for instance, want you to like this article, and leave a comment that I will like in turn. But like is such a casual, dismissive sort of thing, similar to nice.

    When someone is being “nice” and telling you how much they “like” you, that is a form of breadcrumbing compared to being kind and loving someone. Or more, much more than that, being decent and respecting someone.

    And when it comes to human interaction, I care more about my dignity and peace of mind than being liked.

    So whoever doesn’t respect my dignity can go fuck themselves!

    Some of us have self-respect over here, and we kinda wanna keep it that way.

    Anyone who is willing to use a thing as beautiful as love as a weapon to gain undeserved access to others, only to turn around and take advantage of them, is at best a narcissist, and at worst, a straight-up sadist.

    That is not the kind of love you need!

    Have enough self-respect to not need any external love or validation from anyone, genuine or not. It will protect you from anyone who wants to use selective love as a weapon of manipulation.

    On the other hand, having your walls up that high will freeze out any prospect for a genuine connection. But that is the price to pay for your dignity and self-respect.

    Whether or not you actually want to pay that high a price is up to you, and you alone. But it doesn’t change the fact that that is the price of admission to your dignity.

    The good news is that this kind of sacrifice is a literal field day for introverts.

    It’s the extraverts I’m worried about.

    Sike!

    But seriously, trust me on the fact that self-respect will literally protect you from trespassers.

    Love versus respect! That is my wager.

    What say you?

    © 2026 The Buckinchere Publication, SP.

    All Rights Reserved.

    Is it better to be respected or loved?
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  • The sunk cost fallacy of stoicism

    Ready.

    B. Lorenzo Buckinchere

    May 18, 2025

    I know that as men we are taught to be stoic. From a very early age we are taught to compromise our safety, comfort, and mental health for the women and children in the village. “Take it like a man, with a stiff upper lip,” they say.

    Your nerves are constantly being tested since your first day of kindergarten, always trying to see if they can make you flinch. But did you know that everything in life has a set amount of mileage? Life is all about balancing time versus mileage and the body keeps score.

    There are usually two ways that men cope with life’s challenges. The first and most common way is to ward off any threat, real or perceived by being the loudest one in the room, always trying to be “that guy.” This is always unprovoked as that is the energy that they lead with by default whenever they enter any room.

    The second way is to be stoic. To act like something doesn’t bother you. To not show emotions. But did you know that when you do that, you are buying them extra time to take more jabs at you? And although you may not feel them now, you will definitely be paying for them on the back end.

    Don’t take what I am saying out of context. If someone puts hands on you, then obviously fuck them up. But if all they are doing is spewing words, you can afford to be stoic to some extent.

    Though what is the point of being stoic all the time, and just letting someone’s mouth run like a dia-river (river of diarrhea), and you just sit there and take it?

    That is very taxing on your mental health and will only allow resentment to fester overtime. Not only that, but it’s also reconditioning your mind to accept learned helplessness overtime. That may work for women but it’s not going to work for men.

    Do you see how that is a sunk cost fallacy? When in fact, there is a third way that is not commonly explored. A way that is far more effective than standing there taking it with a stiff upper lip, but what many view as cowardice.

    Why not simply walk away? A part of granting yourself the permission to exist is also granting yourself the permission to walk away without having to explain yourself to anyone, or without compromising yourself in any other way.

    The loudest one in the room is not the bravest, he is the most insecure and the stupidest. Empty barrels make the most noise. Walking away is standing up for yourself, the ultimate form of stoicism.

    But what does walking away actually look like? Here are some examples; declining the invitation, being strategic while you’re out indulging, ending toxic friendships, name changes and cutting off toxic relatives, firing your toxic boss and denouncing all religions.

    So now you’re probably thinking, “What do you want us to do, just sit in a corner by ourselves and sulk?” To which I would reply, your isolation arc is your villain arc, and it takes a certain kind of person who is perfectly willing to embrace their villain arc.

    You are going to piss off a lot of selfish people when you finally choose yourself over loyalty to friends, family and society. They are going to label you as weird, selfish, anti-social or somehow socially awkward. They are going to laugh at you and make a mockery of all your dreams, goals, and aspirations.

    Understand that this is all done intentionally to break your spirit and your will, and only a true villain won’t care either way. If you are not the villain of their story, you will become the villain of yours.

    Now you must decide for yourself whether you will practice martyrdom, or true stoicism within its proper context.

    Until next time, adieu.

    © Copyright 2025 The Buckinchere Publication, SP.

    All Rights Reserved.