B. Lorenzo Buckinchere
May 18, 2025
I know that as men we are taught to be stoic. From a very early age we are taught to compromise our safety, comfort, and mental health for the women and children in the village. “Take it like a man, with a stiff upper lip,” they say.
Your nerves are constantly being tested since your first day of kindergarten, always trying to see if they can make you flinch. But did you know that everything in life has a set amount of mileage? Life is all about balancing time versus mileage and the body keeps score.
There are usually two ways that men cope with life’s challenges. The first and most common way is to ward off any threat, real or perceived by being the loudest one in the room, always trying to be “that guy.” This is always unprovoked as that is the energy that they lead with by default whenever they enter any room.
The second way is to be stoic. To act like something doesn’t bother you. To not show emotions. But did you know that when you do that, you are buying them extra time to take more jabs at you? And although you may not feel them now, you will definitely be paying for them on the back end.
Don’t take what I am saying out of context. If someone puts hands on you, then obviously fuck them up. But if all they are doing is spewing words, you can afford to be stoic to some extent.
Though what is the point of being stoic all the time, and just letting someone’s mouth run like a dia-river (river of diarrhea), and you just sit there and take it?
That is very taxing on your mental health and will only allow resentment to fester overtime. Not only that, but it’s also reconditioning your mind to accept learned helplessness overtime. That may work for women but it’s not going to work for men.
Do you see how that is a sunk cost fallacy? When in fact, there is a third way that is not commonly explored. A way that is far more effective than standing there taking it with a stiff upper lip, but what many view as cowardice.
Why not simply walk away? A part of granting yourself the permission to exist is also granting yourself the permission to walk away without having to explain yourself to anyone, or without compromising yourself in any other way.
The loudest one in the room is not the bravest, he is the most insecure and the stupidest. Empty barrels make the most noise. Walking away is standing up for yourself, the ultimate form of stoicism.
But what does walking away actually look like? Here are some examples; declining the invitation, being strategic while you’re out indulging, ending toxic friendships, name changes and cutting off toxic relatives, firing your toxic boss and denouncing all religions.
So now you’re probably thinking, “What do you want us to do, just sit in a corner by ourselves and sulk?” To which I would reply, your isolation arc is your villain arc, and it takes a certain kind of person who is perfectly willing to embrace their villain arc.
You are going to piss off a lot of selfish people when you finally choose yourself over loyalty to friends, family and society. They are going to label you as weird, selfish, anti-social or somehow socially awkward. They are going to laugh at you and make a mockery of all your dreams, goals, and aspirations.
Understand that this is all done intentionally to break your spirit and your will, and only a true villain won’t care either way. If you are not the villain of their story, you will become the villain of yours.
Now you must decide for yourself whether you will practice martyrdom, or true stoicism within its proper context.
Until next time, adieu.
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