B. Lorenzo Buckinchere
Aug 24, 2025
A lot of people have a false sense of obligation, an incessant need to be nice to everyone. They do so out of fear that they will hurt the feelings of others who will then go on to perceiving them as bad people if they do not comply.
Unfortunately, not everyone deserves you being nice to them, as that only opens up the door for you to be abused by people who are truly horrible. The good news though, is that withholding your niceness doesnât mean that you are a bad person. In this article, I will be going over the main difference between what it means to be nice, versus kindness, versus decency.
Nice:
People think that being nice means that you are a good person. But first of all, did you know that the etymology of the word âniceâ is stupid or naive, or weak? This is why people take kindness for weakness, because they are hardwired to see you as a fool or a jester if they think you are too nice.
This could be an unconscious reaction, or a conscious decision that they may try to resist if they are decent enough, or conscious enough. But it doesnât change their primal wiring, it just makes them more aware.
However, in a modern sense, that is not always the case, as being nice is often used as part of an act to make you drop your guard so they can go in for the kill without much resistance.
The modern fool is he who believes that someone who is being nice is genuine, and repays their niceness with niceness of his own. Nice is not a natural occurrence, it is a conscious effort on the part of the person being nice.
Kind:
Kindness on the other hand is less performative, and is not a type itself, but only a trait of decency. Anyone can be kind, but unlike being nice which is just fake, kindness is not performed and is done more authentically.
However, one must be very strategic with how they are kind, and who they are kind to. We have a saying in Jamaica, âif you feel sorry fi mawga dawg (skinny dog), he will turn around and bite you.â
Some people are not inherently good, they just lack the necessary resources to be evil with impunity. We have another saying in Jamaica, âthe higher the monkey climbs, the more he is exposed.â So if you are kind to the wrong person, they could end up killing you.
This is exactly what happens to a lot of battered wives who end up with abusive husbands. They rush into a marriage without getting to know the person they are marrying because they are lonely and afraid of being alone. This is especially true if they see all of their friends getting married and having babies before them.
Just because you are being kind doesnât mean you should drop your guard. First of all, someone doesnât get to benefit off you simply for breathing. They need to be able to demonstrate why they need your help and whatâs in it for you. This is also the time to observe their behavior, and see what they are really about simply by observing their general attitude.
You might not be able to readily ascertain their true intentions, but you will be able to gather enough just from observing them.
That doesnât make you a bad person, it makes you responsible. Be kind to yourself first.
Decent:
Decency is innate. You are either a decent person, or you are not. It cannot be faked. You can fake being nice, but you cannot fake decency or genuineness. But just because you are decent doesnât mean that you are nice. And then, not being nice doesnât make you a bad person.
In fact, if you know that you are a genuine person, you really need to keep your guard up, even more than the average joe. You cannot afford to be nice. You can be kind, you can even be decent, just not nice.
Conclusion:
I am not saying to fight your nature, as doing so will only drive you mad. I am saying to embrace the fact that there are really two sides to your nature, and to be selective with whom you show each side of yourself to.
Here is a general rule of thumb that I always like to follow;
- Be decent in general because manners matters. It is generally a good business practice to be fair, otherwise you risk alienating potential allies.
- Be kind to the woman in your bed, because she is the only person who has used the most intimate parts of herself to heal your pain.
- But only be nice to the guy in the mirror, because heâs the only guy you can be sure wonât screw you with it.
As for society in general, be indifferent. You donât have to be rude unless provoked, then no one could blame you. You donât have to be evil, otherwise youâd be no different from them. Just indifferent.
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