Tag: Katie Holmes

B. Lorenzo Buckinchere

Sep 8, 2024

Some people have a superpower. They are able to see, and hear things about others that most people cannot. It is like they know what you are thinking before you even think it. But how do they know?

Are they actually highly perceptive, or just plain nosey? In this article, I will be covering the topic of what it means to be tone deaf. As well as some steps you can take in order to overcome it.

When most people talk about being tone deaf, they are usually referring to someone who sings off key, because they are deaf to musical tones. Less often, they are loosely referring to someone who speaks louder than the general energy of the room.

Or someone who gets too close when speaking to you because they think that you cannot hear them clearly enough. And sure, that’s a part of it. But that is only one form of tone deafness.

There are very few people who, when they talk about being tone deaf, they are in fact referring to someone who is unable to pick up on social cues, most notably sarcasm.

One who is not able to discern social cues is considered tone deaf because they generally do not pay attention to verbal tone, or body language. As such, they may end up getting the wrong impression about a particular person, or situation.

The best example that I can immediately think of, is from a season 6 episode of “How I Met Your Mother” called “Return of the slutty pumpkin.” In that episode, Katie Holmes guest stars as the titular slutty pumpkin in question, and the object of Ted’s obsession from a season one Halloween episode.

When Ted finally gets to meet her during the sequel, he is disgusted to learn that she is obnoxiously narcissistic, and full of sarcasm. Their chemistry is way off, a far cry from his expectations.

And then there is one scene throughout the episode where both Ted and the slutty pumpkin are on an uncomfortable date together. And while cuddling with him on the couch, she questions in her mind, “does he not get sarcasm?” Suggesting that she thinks he is tone deaf.

The irony of how she perceives him, is that she is the one who is tone deaf. Thinking that she is being cool, not realizing that she is singing off beat, and just being awkward the entire time that they were together.

Now personally, I am no fan of sarcasm. I think that it is just an excuse to be rude and obnoxious to other people for no reason in particular. Some people are just toxic and negatively charged, and it is best to respect them for what they are, and abandon them.

But what if you cannot immediately abandon the situation? Whether or not you are sarcastic by nature, your survival depends on being highly perceptive. Because after all, what they said about, “What you don’t know can’t hurt you,” is a lie. What you don’t know can, and will in fact cause deep, long term pain. Perhaps more deliberately so for the simple fact that you truly don’t know.

It is not just sarcasm that poses a threat for the tone deaf. There is also a very common narcissistic tactic where they decide to target a stranger, and bombard them with a bunch of personal questions.They do this for no other reason except for the simple fact that they get off on the power trip.

The more private and introverted they figure you are, the more likely they are to make you a target. Because the single greatest violation that anyone could possibly have committed against a private person, is an invasion of privacy.

This tactic is plausible because there are people who are naturally curious in general. But those people are more friendly, and the narcissist is not. The only way you can immediately discern if someone you just met is on a power trip, can be heard in the subtlety of the tone in which they are using. But how will you hear their tone if you are tone deaf?

Another tone you might miss, is more visual in nature. Just in case you thought that audible tone was the only kind in existence. Say for example, you are apartment hunting. After much deliberation, you find the one you like at long last.

Everything else is perfect, but then you notice that the bathroom has a walk-in shower when you were kind of hoping for a bathtub. You don’t think it’s really that big of a deal because everything else is in place.

Two months into a one year lease, you are unhappy because you are not able to soak in your bathtub with a glass of Merlot after a long day like you really wanted to do. It is not long after that, where you begin to realize it is not just the bathtub. There are also no windows facing west, and you happen to like watching the sun set.

Then you realize that the paint on the wall doesn’t quite match the color of the drapery set you had in mind. And it is too late to cancel your lease at this point when you should not have signed the bloody thing to begin with.

The tone of the apartment told you that you would not be happy living there. The tone of something in which you are investing time and money is telling you that you won’t be free to express your true sense of individuality.

But how do you see the visual tone if you are tone blind? For that reason, you need to learn the subtle cues that someone or something doesn’t serve your best interest.

Do you know why a tone deaf person doesn’t pay attention to social cues? Because they either don’t know what they are looking for, or they just don’t give a damn.

If they don’t know what they are looking for, chances are it is because no one ever taught them. Because once you know, it would be impossible to not notice. Even if you don’t care, you won’t be able to help but to notice things by chance.

The modern world is a noisy one that is full of distractions. From cars, to smartphones to overpopulation, and the ever-increasing lack of privacy. There has never been a time such as this, and subtlety hides in distractions. As a matter of fact, it thrives on it.

This is why meditation is so important. Because it blocks out the distractions of the world. Most importantly, it blocks out the most impactful of all distractions, the one taking place inside your head. So that you can hear what is really going on around you.

Before long, you will begin to notice some details about your environment that you were previously unaware of. The irony of your discovery is that those nuances were always there. You just didn’t notice them because you were too distracted by the complexities of modern life.

If you meditate for one hour a day, everyday for one year, it is only intuitive to expect that after a while, you would no longer be tone deaf. When your head shuts up, your heart starts talking.

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